Orcas vs Aliens
Who will reign supreme in the battle to inherit the earth?
Hi friends!
This week had no chill, too many twists and turns — front page of the National Enquirer energy. I am rooting for all of us and hope everyone gets some time this weekend to just lay down nicely.
Amidst the chaos, the orcas are really making themselves known. As previously discussed, orca matriarch Gladis, our 2023 folk hero, has been deliberately sinking ships off the coast of Gibraltar with her crew of dorsal-finned wrecking balls. Turns out her posse may be part of an international ring — the American orca syndicate made a very big splash last weekend, showing up and showing out across the nation. Tuna fishermen off Cape Cod spotted Old Thom, one of the only orcas regularly seen in North Atlantic waters, and while old boy was helping himself to a snack of baby dolphin, another orca pod was spotted off the coast of Nantucket by a team of scientists.
On the West Coast, dozens of orcas had a little rumspringa, spending a full day partying in Monterey Bay after a successful seal hunt. All this behavior is unusual, but our beloved scientists are not concerned that it’s part of a major aquatic menty b due to climate change. Turns out orcas, like the best of us, are incredibly curious and playful animals. These whales are not in their lawless “revenge era,” but are actually engaging in the underwater equivalent of a hot new trend. Is wrecking yachts just their version of doing a little TikTok dance? Hmm… there’s no fun in that, so like the rest of the internet, I am choosing to see them as a charismatic species that has had enough of our bullshit and is hatching a worldwide plot to enact vengeance and dominate us with their effortlessly chic aesthetic and potentially superior intelligence.
Speaking of intelligence, the ex-Pentagon UFO whistleblower David Charles Grusch has brought us so much with his wild and wonderful claims that alien spacecrafts and their pilots have been amongst us all along. The aliens have been trending since February and their crew put a few more points on the board this week when Grusch came back to name names, now saying that the Vatican and Pope Pius XII tipped off the U.S. government during World War II to the existence of a UFO vehicle that Mussolini had in storage. Fantastic. He also added that the so-called extraterrestrials may actually be coming from a “higher-dimensional physical space that might be co-located right here.” What a banger of a metaphysical mindfuck when different dimensions have entered the chat. I love this man and his chaos, especially the fact that he admits he has never seen any of the “nonhuman technology” firsthand.
Thank goddess NASA currently has a team of 16 experts and scientists working on their very first report, due later this summer, on what they’re calling, “unidentified anomalous phenomena” aka UAPs. They had to get rid of the UFO acronym because they’re now examining unidentified objects that come from the ocean, too. Which, begs the question, what do the orcas know that we don’t? And are the aliens in on it, knowing that humans are so transfixed by the orca vibe that we’ve been capturing and brutalizing them, making them perform for us like little clowns for decades, infuriating the orca population enough that they’d agree to act out an unexpected sea-centric extraterrestrial plot for world domination? What can I say? We are living in a conspiracy world and I am a conspiracy gorl.
Feel free to hit reply and let me know if you’re team orcas or aliens or you think they’re in cahoots which obviously cannot be ruled out at this time. As the flop era of humanity continues, we all must pick a side. I, for one, welcome our new orca leaders. Someone has to take charge of this shit show and have you seen an orca? One of our absolute sleekest creatures, wearing the tuxedo of the ocean with a casual, graphic twist. They haven’t had to try a single day in their 50-90 year lifespan. Find me a chicer overlord, I dare you. I’m a water sign so obviously entranced. For the record, my official overlord rankings are orcas over aliens, aliens over robots, robots over zombies, zombies over killer bees, killer bees over the Christian right. Have a great weekend!
Less Lessons More Blessin’s™️
Liz