The Sub That Dommed Us All
Off the deep end of the ocean we go.
Hi friends!
Happy And Just Like That day to all who celebrate and welcome to this week’s edition of The Ocean Chronicles, I’m your host, me. Yes, my top hobby these days is chronicling the weird shit that’s happening in the ocean. I could never have predicted this fate, but am glad to be of service. You see, us gross little humans tend to take a land-centric view of our world, but in reality, the ocean has always been in charge. She’s bigger, more chaotic, has more creatures, and is coming for us. Oh, she’s coming for us.
Unless you have been trapped in a submersible somewhere in the North Atlantic, I’m going to assume you are well aware1 of the misfortunes of satan’s bath toy, also known as Titan, and its nightmare blunt rotation of passengers — the billionaire, the other billionaire, the other billionaire’s son, the French explorer, and the CEO who built this deep sea contraption out of spare parts, camping gear, and a video game controller.
Before I continue, thoughts and prayers to these men. I am obviously about to deep dive on this whole situation, pun intended, and I would like to acknowledge that they are actual human beings who may or may not have passed in Schrödinger's submersible. Yes, they paid $250,000 to ride in a torpedo-shaped tin can bolted shut 17 times, but by now they have either perished in a truly horrifying way (RIP) or are living in one of the most horrifying fart clouds that has ever existed.
The story of the Titanic fascinates and endures as an emblem of our hubris, the “unsinkable” boat that sunk on its maiden voyage. Its name is a shorthand for epic disaster and its story a special kind of modern day mythology starring a young Leonardo DiCaprio. Titan’s disappearance is especially captivating because it adds a new chapter to the already rich lore — same ego-driven story, updated technology.
I have spent some time in the content mines and I can tell you one thing for certain, while this story is prime for many reasons — media opps for grizzled sea captains, juicy billionaires for the Twitter proletariat, a race against limited hours of oxygen, unidentified noises, endless claustrophobia triggers — it has truly given us some excellent tangents. If the billionaire’s stepson had just not posted about going to see Blink-182 then none of us would have known that he went. But, I’m glad that he did, because then we got to watch Cardi B give us her take on it with an absolutely immaculate filter choice.
As a natural born neurotic who takes a Xanax to get on an airplane, I will never understand the zest for danger that seems to fuel so many wealthy men. More people have been to outer space than the depths of the ocean the submersible was heading to, but one of the billionaires on board has actually been to both. With all of their resources, safety, and privilege, it seems a billionaire’s survival instinct gets bored and has nothing to do but create chaos. Maybe having a billion dollars catapults you above self-actualization to something closer to self-immolation, a need for danger disguised as exploration.
These men boarded Titan to visit the Titanic at the bottom of the ocean, but the vessel only has one small porthole through which to see it. The majority of the shipwreck sight-seeing is literally done on a screen inside the sub. Babe, you watch that from your couch if all your cylinders are firing correctly. As the missing CEO told CBS a few months ago, “if you just want to be safe, don’t get out of bed.” Yes, bed is also a good place to watch from.
Is this a cautionary tale? Will this auxiliary Titanic tragedy put an end to rich guy death wish missions and somehow reprioritize the resources they spend on this type of folly?
The juxtaposition of the expensive search and rescue mission underway with the news of hundreds of migrants drowning in the Mediterranean last week is jarring. Most experts are calling the Titan rescue mission futile. Even if found, the right vessel to rescue those aboard doesn’t even exist. It’s another glaring example of whose life is valued and the ways in which the world bends to serve them.
Just as these guys risked it all to see the Titanic, the next crew will risk it all and go down looking for a glimpse of Titan, too. Or maybe this story will come to an end in the next few decades, since the Titanic is now disintegrating from erosion and the quick work of metal-eating bacteria. A blessed “return to the sea” that will finally let it all rest in peace.
Ocean, do your business. See you all next week when the lost city of Atlantis enters the chat.
Less Lessons More Blessin’s™️
Liz
If you are not up to speed, how nice for you. The New York Times has been deep diving this submersible ordeal in real time. Go down the rabbit hole, gorgeous.
"Babe, you watch that from your couch if all your cylinders are firing correctly." That's exactly what Bob Ballard said after discovering the shipwreck. Or, to paraphrase it my own way, why the fuck are we cramming like sardines in a tin can, when we actually watch it on a computer screen; just sent the empty can down there with a fucking camera.
"Schrödinger's submersible" really cracked me up. Ufff, like a nasty inside joke among physicists (I am one). Anyway, that's exactly how it felt during those few days until they found the wreckage.